Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[cabinfeverguy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, you're the main reason I joined here. I came across this thread and it hit me really hard because I've been in the same situation, in a sense. You truly are a great guy and I know that you will find happiness soon enough. If I lived in NYC I'd hang out and help ya try to feel better.

 

[nsguy2]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Good luck, Brian.

Patrick.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Good luck buddy, I hope it all work out for you. I went through similar situations several times, all I can say is it eventually all worked out and it will for you too, whether Andy's a part of that or not. Take care!

 

[frankfrank]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Keep true to your principles and follow your heart, Brian, and it will work itself out in its best way. You can take that to the bank.

If you ever feel like coming back in and updating on anything, this thread will "leave the light on for ya'."

 

[Eagle653]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian, we haven't heard from you here since January 27th--and that was a disturbing post. Please report in! How are you doing? What's happening with this situation. Your thread even slipped to page 3!

Hope to hear from you.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys, thought I would pop on and give you an update, even though I said I wouldnt.

Well in September I will be an uncle. My younger brother and his wife are having a kid.

Andy got a job and starts March 1st, him and his girl's wedding is now back on for May of 2008.

Andy is down about me not being there and we both agreed that the distance and time apart is affecting us. We are both down about that.

This is the start of my winter recess, I have about 9 days off.

Other than that, right now that's it. Hope all is well with you guys.

Brian

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey!
Good to hear from you!

It sounds like things are stabilizing, even if not getting better. Stability is good; you know better what to expect!

Isn't being an uncle awesome? I'm one... but my sister's family thinks I'm immoral, wicked, and all that, so I don't get to really "be" an uncle. I'm envious.

 

[backpacker]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

Good to hear from you and congratulations on becoming an uncle. I've been an uncle nearly all my life (my sister is 16 years older and had her first at 21). I have many nephews and nieces and I can say I truly enjoy all of them. You're such a kind hearted person; I'm sure you will be an awesome uncle.

Take care and keep us updated from time to time.

 

[4oaks]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thanks for the update, Brian. I've missed your on-going saga. Being in a somewhat similar situation (teacher, straight best friend, and all the rest), I felt drawn to your story. Chin up....and enjoy those nine days off.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys, it feels odd posting here again when I said I wouldnt but Im drawn back to this thread(kind of like Michael ordan retiring 34 times).

But lately I have been really down about missing Andrew..and he feels the same.

I really, really do miss him so much that I gave thought to go live out there again, but it was a fleeting one.

He is supposed to come here in June for his father in laws wedding, but he recently said with his new job he might not make it. He has asked me to come visit him for the week that his girl was away in NYC in June but I might still be working.

If I dont see him in June, August will be the next time I see him. I miss him dearly.

Brian

 

[Gooey45]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

good luck with everything just disconnect yourself from everything and start fresh again see if it works for you.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well, to be honest I went through three days of hell.

Andy called me last last night. At first I didn't pick up. It was too painful to hear his voice. I did not want him to see me weak. I did not want to tell him how much I had been missing him and in the same call him tell me all the nice things going on there.

After a third call an hour after the first two..I picked up.

It was very clear from the conversation that Andy had been going through the same hell. He is not happy about anything and the way things are going. He asked me if there is anyway that I could come out there. He has a job now(March 1st) where he is in charge of hiring people and whatnot. I told him I wish I could come out there but I cannot. He said well let's all move to Cali if you don't like it in Vegas...and I said that wouldn't be fair to him...and he goes "I would do it because I love you so much Bri.."

We both are broken hearted. This does not have to do with love..as in passion too much anymore. Andy loves me to death like a brother and cannot live without me. I loved Andrew with passion..but that was not to be. I respect that now. I will always be in love with Andy, even a little. I always will have a special place in my heart for him. But beyond that I love him to death as a brother also...and after some soul searching recently..I am realizing I can't live without him.

I got off the phone with him and felt happy...happy that I was not the only one going through this pain..happy that someone cares for me so much like Andy does.

I have been thinking lately. I am starting to save some now...I am finishing my Masters this summer...I have been thinking about moving out to Las Vega again so I can have my buddy back in my life.

But this time smartly. I would probably move a year from now in Summer of 2008. By then I will have 30 credits beyond my Masters plus some money saved. Also it would give me time to gurantee myself a job(somethign I can even do now) teaching in Las Vegas.

The though of being out there again...this time with money coming in..and with my buddy nearby...would give me great joy. Will update you soon...I have decided to keep posting here..I hope you all do not mind.

Brian

P.S.-Please not that I have not mentioned this to Andy nor will I...until maybe more in the year..maybe next year. I don't want to get both our hopes up..and then something falls through in the plan.

P.S.-2-Andy told me that seeing me get my degree and everything has inspired him to get his High School Diploma..and he is a month into a program to get it.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, that post, for all the pain, sounds like some clarity is coming. The assertiveness and confidence you've built is paying off, for you and Andy. This is great!

I'm still wondering about his planned marriage, though....

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

KUL-Wondering about the marriage in in what way?

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

There are too many signs that it's going to have serious problems. I had some training in marriage counseling -- pre-marital, mostly -- and there are warning flags. I've pointed some of them out, if you recall. Especially when there's an outside friendship of incredible depth, those signs aren't to be disregarded.


BTW -- I haven't done a whole lot of that counseling, because I get involved with people, and even though I can stay objective, I can't handle my own concerns->stress well.

I seriously recommend they go through some, though, even if it's just one of the short versions that help them be aware of potential areas of trouble. At a lot of churches you can get it free, without having to be preached at or anything (I used to know a pastor in Reno who would be wonderful, but he probably has moved on or even retired by now).

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Will update you soon...I have decided to keep posting here..I hope you all do not mind.

Brian

Brian ... I was very happy to read this! For a while there, I was still wondering ... concerned ... Even though this is just the Cyber World, it's never totally easy when you feel you get to "know" someone, and then they "disappear". Leaves a small vacuum ... especially when you are hoping the Very Best for them!

I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing so much pain! However, there are many positive points in your latest update! Sounds like all concerned are a bit more rooted in practicality! I'm quite thrilled to hear of Andy's job, but, even more so, his effort at getting his GED!! That's Awesome!!

I must agree with Kul, though. The marriage does seem to be headed for some rough rocks. It doesn't sound as though it's something Andy WANTS to do, but, rather, something he feels he HAS to do. For his, and his girl's, happiness, I hope that is not the case.

And, Kul, whenever/wherever I run across some of your personal insights, you continue to amaze me!

HUGS, Guys!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Stayed up late talking to Andrew...same mushy stuff, us missing on each other saying nice things..he told me his girl went today with her mom and got her wedding dress...and admittedly got me down..dunno...just telling you guys how my heart felt.

Brian

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Seems like things are moving a long with his wedding...I called him today to say hello and he was very, very down...and then after a while of just both of us not speaking on the phone he said he had to go to the bank to get something notarized for his wedding..he said he would call me later.

I got pretty down at that..the wedding is becoming more and more concrete...I guess Im still in love with him...its very fucking hard.

Brian

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Just got off the phone with Andrew. We were on for a little over three hours. He said, "It's been a while since we spoke like this...it makes me happy."

He called me very, very depressed. I told him I was a little better today but still down about not having him in my life.

He said he is so broken hearted about missing me that he thinks something is physically happening with his body and that he is getting sick.

I told him I am sorry he feels like that, but it makes me feel a little better knowing someone is feeling the same way I was..and he said, "Even more so.."

He said he doesnt have much money to do much...and I told him his new job that starts next week will change that. He goes, "It's not about money Brian..it's you..I miss you."

I asked him about his wedding and he said it will be May 3,2008. I told him that's cool(fighting every bit of emotion I had) and he said "I don't give a shit..", and I asked why he would say that. He said he doesn't give a shit because he is so down over missing me.

We talked some more...and we would go off topic and joke or talk about other things...but ultimately we would fall back into saying how much we missed each other.

I was playing some songs on my Sirius radio and he had asked me to pla "What's Left of Me" and "Resolution" by Nick Lachey. So I played those for him and we talked more and more and before we knew it almost 4 hours went by.

We called it a night and promised to speak today.

Brian

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Just got off the phone with Andrew. ....

I asked him about his wedding and he said it will be May 3,2008. I told him that's cool(fighting every bit of emotion I had) and he said "I don't give a shit..", and I asked why he would say that. He said he doesn't give a shit because he is so down over missing me.

This is one of the things I mean. However good a friendship you two have, that kind of feeling/thinking about his wedding is a very bad sign.
Brian, if you really care about him, urge him VERY strongly to get some pre-marital counseling, one where 'tests' are given to get a picture of how they see each other. If he's this close to getting married, and there isn't excitement even in the midst of feeling miserable, there's a serious problem.

What I foresee right now is that if you two end up living nearby, he's going to start turning to you every time there's a problem in his marriage. Then he'll start turning to you before there's a problem, and before long he'll prefer your company to his wife's. Soon enough she'll hate you, he'll defend you, and... you can figure it from there.
Yeah, I could be wrong -- but is that scenario worth the risk?
Get him to counseling!!