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Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Step back from the personal ongoings a bit, if you will.

Were I Andy, I don't see how I could be missing the signs telling me Vegas is not the place for me. The wedding, work, the woman, the inlaws, etc.

But then again, were I Andy, I'd be snuggled next to Bri at night, instead of on the telephone, or *gasp* engaged to a girl. =]
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Just wanted to pop on and say that Andrew is going to a Job Fair tomorrow at Palace Station....and the past two days and nights we have been calling each other missing on each other badly.

Andrew said yesterday that he felt like throwing in the towel and coming home. I was nothing but supportive of him and said that he will eventually find his niche out there and a job that is good for him and money will come in.

He said, "Is that what you think this is about? A job, money?? This is about missing you bri, I miss you very much it breaks my heart and my body is breaking down.."

We have been speaking on and off today. He went to hang out with his friend, and I happened to call him while he was there and I got down. He said it is hanging out with a person who he doesn't even feel comfortable calling a friend...he said "I have no life out here if you are not here Bri.."

I am taking tomorrow off from work.

He said that is good, because now we can talk all night.

Brian
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Ok here is the deal, Andrew and I both talked last night and today. Long, nice, sweet talks.:D

He said that he would walk into hell and back as long as I was by his side, and that he misses me very much and the ONLY reason he would think about coming back to NYC is for me.!oops!

Anyway the job fair did not go well. No real quality companies.](*,)

He comes home and we talk and talk. We have more nice talk, at one point he was quiet and I asked what he was doing and he said "jerking off". That got me so hot I had to shoot a load.*|*

Anyway he gets a call, says he will call me back.

He calls me back saying that he has an opportunity to come back to NYC with a managers job at a a gym.

He excitedly told me but for some reason I wasn't too happy because I know he needs money to come back. He asked if I could help him out with 10 grand or maybe more.

I told him I don't know. He got worried and said "I thought you would be more excited....I'm so confused as to what to do, without you helping me I cannot come back...plus there is the fact that I do not like NYC..."

I told him to calm down, and to take a few to think about it and talk it over with his girl. I told him to take me and my money out of the equation and try to come to a decision.

He said I am coming to you for brotherly advice.

I told him, "You know above all else how much I want you back here..."

And he goes, "I know, which is why I value your opinion"

I told him to go think with his girl. He said he would call me back later.

Brian

P.S.-What do you guys think????? :confused: What should I do???:confused: Why am I not more excited??? :confused:
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
-Oscar Wilde.


If I recall correctly, he said the only reason to come back to NYC is you.
He needs to know that you want him close, if indeed that's the truth.

He's seems to be on the fence about what to do, and you may be the deciding factor.

And, umm, $10k is a substantial chunk of change. It also seems a bit arbitrary. Think long and think hard about it before you fork over this kind of money. And, perhaps, having some sort of written agreement with payment terms might be a good idea.

or something...
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
-Oscar Wilde. Nice quote.


If I recall correctly, he said the only reason to come back to NYC is you.
He needs to know that you want him close, if indeed that's the truth.
He's seems to be on the fence about what to do, and you may be the deciding factor.

I do want him close. So you are saying I should do it then?


And, umm, $10k is a substantial chunk of change. It also seems a bit arbitrary. Think long and think hard about it before you fork over this kind of money. What do you mean here?


I want him close, so I guess I kind of already know my answer. When he gets married next year I thought I could deal with it easier if he lived out there and I was here....if he comes here now dealing with it might be a little harder.

Get back to me guys...Brian
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

LostVegas said:
If I recall correctly, he said the only reason to come back to NYC is you.
He needs to know that you want him close, if indeed that's the truth.
He's seems to be on the fence about what to do, and you may be the deciding factor.

I do want him close. So you are saying I should do it then?
Click to expand...
Well, there's not so much you should do as it is what you should say.

Ultimately the choice is his. But your input and thoughts go into his decision. It may seem like you're telling him what to do, but I doubt he'll take it that way.

And, umm, $10k is a substantial chunk of change. It also seems a bit arbitrary. Think long and think hard about it before you fork over this kind of money. What do you mean here?
Click to expand...
Sorry, I should have been a bit more clear. I've seen friendships end for a lot less than $10k. I would hate for you two, down the road, to argue incessantly about the debt owed. I don't think this would be the case, but just be careful. Listen to your gut.


I want him close, so I guess I kind of already know my answer. When he gets married next year I thought I could deal with it easier if he lived out there and I was here....if he comes here now dealing with it might be a little harder.

Get back to me guys...Brian
Click to expand...

It seems to me he really doesn't want to go through with this marriage. Or, at least, he's leaning more towards the 'run' side than the 'I do' side.

Nothing is ever written in stone. If he moves back, his mentality and out-look may change. He may realise that what he thought he wanted may not be all that after all. And the opposite may also be true.

I'm just hypothesising here, as there's no way for either of us to know what will happen or what's in Andy's head.

I guess I'll shut-up now. =]
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thanks for the timely response.

It is a double edge sword. I will certainly by giving it thought for the next few days as will Andrew..

He has told me time and time again the only reason to come back here is for me.

But Andrew is guided by money also. He wants the big bucks from the job, while at the same time realizing he is giving up any future move out of NYC(fiancee/wife wouldn't want to move anymoe after they have a kid).

I know when he gets back here, I will play second fiddle to his other friends.

I know I sound immature, but I am human.

Anymore advice would be appreciated.

Andy is intent on paying some of the money he owee me already so if I did give him this money it would be under the guise of him paying me back, which I know he will do.

Brian
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

You know sitting here thinking, I think Ii truly have found the basis of my love for Andrew. Why I keep loving him when I know deep down he does not LOVE LOVE me.

Let me say, and as you guys already know we are very co-dependent on each other. Dangerously so.

He does not get an emotional outlet from his girl or anyone else, he comes to me for that and is addicted to that.

I love him in every way. He loves me, but not sexually.

So to make up for the fact that he does not love me sexually, I have been there for him, helping him time and time again. That is where I get my outlet from. So I am addicted to him needing me to help him, in whatever form it takes.

If he comes back out here...he will no longer need me financially. And in an odd way that is hard, because it feels like he will not need me anymore and that I am useless in some ways. Helping him out was my way of showing my love for him.

It is hard to confront these emotions in me..but I am just being honest.

brian
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Is ok to encourage him to come back, but as much as you love and care for him, do not lend him anymore money. Don't let him guilt you into you lending it to him and that be the only way to get back. If he really wanted and needed to get back, he could do it with a grand. Start over when he got back in NY with new stuff as he got back on his feet. 10k is just to much and in lots of ways taking full advantage of your good nature.

So as a recap, if really cares as much as he says, he'll find a way to do without your financial help. He already owes the bank of lovevegas.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

What's up with him jerking off while your on the phone? haha If he does that again, you should question him on that...what prompted him to beat off while talking to you? Does the sound of your voice and him thinking of your arose him? If he tells you he's beating off while talking to you and tells you, that gives you the right to ask him...thats not a common thing to happen..esp if he's as str8 as he really is.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

damanryan30 said:
What's up with him jerking off while your on the phone? haha If he does that again, you should question him on that...what prompted him to beat off while talking to you? Does the sound of your voice and him thinking of your arose him? If he tells you he's beating off while talking to you and tells you, that gives you the right to ask him...thats not a common thing to happen..esp if he's as str8 as he really is.
Click to expand...



I don't think he was literally jerking off, as he has said that response to me time and time again. But it does get me hot thinking about it.

I just got off the phone with him. He said his girl thinks he should stay there in Vegas. He said he is confused, but as long as I am coming out there, he is fine with staying there, so I think that is the decision he is leaning towards.

We spent the last half hour talking about the men of I LOVE NEW YORK and who I find hot. It was nice talk.

He went to take a shower(just envisioning it now) and said h would call me back later.

He passed up a chance to make 4200 dollars a month to stay in Las Vegas.

Brian
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

Having Andy in NYC with not fix your problem. In fact, I'll bet it will make it even worse. This dysfunctional relationship you have with Andy is not healthy and you need professional health. I feel like I'm just waiting for the train wreck and you're not willing to do anything to get off the tracks. Why won't you do anything to help yourself? If you $10,000, please spend it on some counseling. That will be the best investment you ever make.

As far as $10,000 to move; that's ridiculous. I have lived in 6 states and never spent $10,000 on a move. Considering I have a 3,000 square foot house full of furniture and two vehicles, it's safe to say that my moves should be far more expensive than Andy's. I would be insulted and outraged that he had the nerve to ask for that kind of money. He must think you have sucker written all over your forehead.

I wouldn't give him a dime. He needs to stand on his own two feet.

I wish you the best.

PS - I know you will probably completely ignore my advice as it's not what you want to hear. Someday you will realize the wisdom of my advice. I just hope it is sooner, rather than later.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, I thought you'd already told him once, "no more money".

And I agree about that figure. He could get professional movers for that! Or take three weeks from Vegas to New York, staying in the best places, and ... gambling???

Though if he can get a job for 4200 a month in New York, why is he having such trouble in Vegas? It's not as though there aren't gyms there.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wooooooooow I would love nothing more but to read every single post in this thread but it's almost 1am and I have to get to bed (plus as anyone who knows me well knows I'm not big on reading lol). I did read the first post and some on this last page...

I hope all goes well for you Brian. I think he should know how you feel before you make any kind of monitary committment to him (well, any more so than you've already done). I really wish I could offer a great load of advice to you but I'm afraid I'm lacking in the love department. Although I've had crushes on friends before... it really really hurts deeply when you develop feelings for one of them that you know the feelings will never be returned. I've cried myself to sleep over situations like that before.

But anyway I do hope you are doing well and I hope this situation unfolds to an equally satisfying end. :) *hugs*
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Yes listen to vetteboi he is spot on. It sounds to me like Andrew is playing with your head & he knows it.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

vetteboi said:
Brian,

Having Andy in NYC with not fix your problem. In fact, I'll bet it will make it even worse. This dysfunctional relationship you have with Andy is not healthy and you need professional health. I feel like I'm just waiting for the train wreck and you're not willing to do anything to get off the tracks. Why won't you do anything to help yourself? If you $10,000, please spend it on some counseling. That will be the best investment you ever make.

As far as $10,000 to move; that's ridiculous. I have lived in 6 states and never spent $10,000 on a move. Considering I have a 3,000 square foot house full of furniture and two vehicles, it's safe to say that my moves should be far more expensive than Andy's. I would be insulted and outraged that he had the nerve to ask for that kind of money. He must think you have sucker written all over your forehead.

I wouldn't give him a dime. He needs to stand on his own two feet.
Click to expand...
I agree with every single word with the above post. That's all I'm gonna say.

Brian, time to get off the tracks.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

vetteboi said:
Brian, I'm glad you are feeling better and things are going better with Andy. In regard to your comment above, I'm very concerned that you are talking yourself out of getting help again. Knowing what is causing your depression and being able to resolve the issues are two different things. You have been working for years to deal with it on your own and unfortunately have not been successful.
(....)
Many, many times in this post you have said that you are going to get some help, but have not followed through. I have followed this post from day one and I know if you don't get some professional help you are just going to keep repeating the pattern of depression. You can either choose to do nothing or you can choose to get well. I'm sorry to be so rough, but I hate to see you continue as you are. I would like nothing more than to see you truly happy. Good luck.
Click to expand...

LostVegas said:
I still need therapy and I'm calling tomorrow...although I think I kind of found the reasons for my depression and my own way to of it.
TTYL guys, Bri
Click to expand...

What happened with the appointment (mentioned on March 4, 2007)? I'm concerned that you are talking yourself out of getting help again. You have mentioned your intention to get some professional help in the past but then nothing happens. Do not sabotage your own health and wellbeing.

I agree with vetteboi and others 100%. This may not be what you want to hear but you are in a dysfunctional relationship. This thread might be a good way to vent some of your feelings and questions but this is clearly not enough in order to address the root causes of your depression. Professional help is what you need to deal more effectively with your depression and other issues. You are lucky to live in the NY area with a good number of gay friendly health professionals. The best investment is your health and wellbeing. Get help independent of what Andy is planning to do with his life.

Please, no more money and listen to vetteboi.

I wish you the best.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brar282- Thank you kindly for the advice and the very supportive words. It is really appreciated and valued.(*8*)

Thank you to all the rest for continuing to give your advice. Trust me, it doesn't go unnoticed. In fact my therapist appt. is next week.

I did not obviously send Andy any amount of the 10k as he chose to stay in Las Vegas. It was more his girl's decision and Andy had no choice. Her reasoning was that "Brian helped us so much out here, it would be a slap in his face to go back..."

Andy and I have been talking since. Both very sad, etc.

He asked me for money(1k) yesterday to help him out. When he called back later at night, I sort of laid into him pretty good. It was really late and he said that he knows I did not mean to hurt him but I did. I was honestly half awake when he called and do not remember too much stuff.

Andy told me today that he knows by asking for money he hurts me and makes the chances of me coming out there further and further away. He is asking me for help and he doesn't mean to be such stress and heartache for me.

I started crying, as it was a very emotional call!oops! . He told me, "Bri the love I have for you is real!oops! . I know you are just going to think that I'm saying this just to say it but you are the most important person in my life and the most important person I have ever met. All my friends in my life used to tell me that the reason I was depressed was that Brian was making me depressed...I did not listen to them because I knew better.Even my girl and my mom see how close we are and are extremely jealous of how close we are!oops! . No one has helped me out like you have or supported me or been there for me. You know you used to say that you owed me because I have helped you so much in your life, but you do not owe me, I owe you everything...I do not know how this is going to sound but whatever, I will always have a special place for you in my heart, even if we stopped talking tomorrow."

I voiced to Andrew my concern for my life being put back some. My concern for being alone and not being able to start my life.

He asked me, "Bri everytime you send me money you get sad and I know a big part of it is because you think I am doing dumb shit with it and lying to you.."

I responded, "That is not my fault, it is yours, you created the seeds of doubt with me when you admitted using me when you first knew me..."

He agreed and said that was the most hurtful thing he ever did, and when he took the time to get to know me that he had to admit it to me. He said he took the biggest risk that day by coming out with telling me that he used me(I guess I did the same when I said I loved him).


I cried and cried some more. I explained to him that I have all the pain of missing him, and the depression that I face everyday in my life. I told him he is lucky to have someone of 8 years to be with him, when I have never been in a relationship in my life. When I was younger, I didn't connect with girls because I was gay...and I also could not be with guys because I was in hiding. I have never had someone in my life.

Andrew felt my pain in the phone call. He really did. I told him I do not know what I need to do. That I am really lost in my life. I hung up saying I needed to go to collect myself and try to take my mind off life.

Maybe therapy will help. I'm just so very, very lost.

BRIAN :(
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

" He is asking me for help and he doesn't mean to be such stress and heartache for me."

Ask him why, then , is he doing just that.

If he knows he's causing you so much grief, maybe he should stop.
 
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