Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[tmb1]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian

You doin okay? Update us if you can

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys...thanks for all the well wishes, questions and concerns.

I selectively chose at times to give myself space from this thread...and then there were just times I didn't post because it never crossed my mind.

I am going to update pretty soon.

Some of the things that have happened:

1-Andy got and lost another job
2-Andy's best friend, his next best friend after me, is coming down there to LIVE on June 1st...so yay..more great news :-I

Anyway hope you guys are all well, tty soon.

BRIAN

 

[frankfrank]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

What's happening, Brian?

I hope other aspects of your life are becoming stronger and more frequent - it's clear that you realized that putting your entire life on hold for Andy was probably not the most adviseable thing.

Furthermore I hope that he's starting to do better. (How is he losing his jobs - does he just fail to show up on the fourth day or something?)

You definitely have my best wishes; I hope we hear from you soon.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys, what's up? Hope all is well with you guys.

Ok, so I am back to update you guys. This post will be meandering, honest and most likely all over the place as I do not know exactly where I left off(I guess I could scroll up but that requires too much work right now).

Anyway since we last spoke Andy did manage to get a job in a start-up air duct company. It was basically a sales job with a low paying base salary. It was also pretty much Andy, some other guy and the owner working for this start-up company.

Andy was not liking the job but definitely puting up with it and realizing that it iwas better than nothing. A few weeks later the boss told Andy that it will basically be a commission based salary from this point on. While Andy did not really quit per se, he was not interested in just the straight up sales job, and therefore it kind of just fizzled out.

Andy's mom has been calling me. She calls me from the road, from a truck. Her husband is a trucker and since they moved from Vegas have been on the road. They just purchased a new trailer home in Texas and will be settling down soon. I am glad for them. Andy's mom and his uncle have been skeptical of the marriage all this time...wondering if it will happen and basically saying if this keeps up(how they are living) divorce will be in her son's future.

Andy and I have had our ups and downs. Arguments and sweet moments.

Two weeks ago or so, maybe 3, Andy told me his friend Mike is coming to live in Vegas on June 2nd. I knew something was up before Andy even told me because he sounded calm lately and so I asked what's up(I read him well) and he hesitantly told me about Mike.

Short backstory on Mike: Andy's closest friend after me. He sticks up for Mike alot. Andy's girl hates Mike. He can say dumb stuff and he doesnt think before he speaks. He joined me and Andy on our cruise 2 years ago. Mike is kind of cute and tall. He has a big cock...Andy told me this little info. Andy said he and Mike slept with 2 girls in the same room once. He also said that Mike showed him a picture of a girl sucking his cock. Oh yeah, according to Andy Mike likes to stick shit up his ass lol. Me and Andy have had discussions on whther Mke is gay or not. Mike used to drive a NYC Taxi cab here but lost his job. Mike also has bad credit, debt and is going out to Vegas with roughly 1,000 dollars.

Anyway I was somewhat down Mike was going out there to live. It felt like it should be me out there and not him, and Andy agreed. I am surprised I am not really greatly down about this, but I guess that's a good thing.

I have done a great job of deflecting the sweet things Andy says to me. I don't deflect them as in I do not believe what he says or do not care what he says..but I learned to not let my heart fall for his comments. In fact, my love for Andy in a lustful way has gone way down..and is getting cold. I do admit(and I know I will sound wrong for saying this) to wacking off to Andy now and again when I am horny, but for the most part it has been cold.

Andy has asked me for a loan to get out of his mess. Quite a few times. He is in deep, deep in financial trouble. He is also in the deepest depression I have seen him in. I have been nothing but supportive with my words...but being through a deep depression myself...someone else telling you it will be ok and all work out is not too pleasan to here.

I do not know what Mike going there will bring. Unlike Andy Mike does not mind work and works hard when he does, but at the same time he can be very bad for Andy. Mike has does not have the best of hobbies and I think he will rub off on Andy in the wrong ways. I also think Mike living with Andy and his girl for a month or two will be taxing. He told me yesterday tht he wishes certain people were not in his life so he can make a decision to move. I was assuming he meant his girl but did not pres the matter.

Andy got me mad one day and I shot back something at him that got him paranoid and got him thinking. He had told me that Mike has no real friends. I go, "Andrew don't you find it interesting that the three closest people to you have no friends, barely a life and they make you the center of their world. You chased you girl's friends away, I have no friends and Mike has no friends...and when we do you are envious of them. That these 3 people are loyal to you and sometimes you take advantage of that love and loyalty. You want all of our attention on you.."

This set him off and he hung up. He called me back a few minutes later saying that I got his head thinking. I found it interesting.

As far as me, school is winding down. I registered for my last 3 Master's classes that I will be taking this summer. I plan on financing a car soon. I do not have enough money for the rennovations I had talked about, so I am thinking of getting a loan through my union. That is a big decision to me, so I am still weighing that one in my head.

My weight has gone up. The last few months have not been good. I am sluggish, have put on more weight and fel it on my heart and chest and in my breath. It was emotional eating and depression eating. I have been on an exercise program and diet for a week now and I am feeling a little better. It did no help when Andy caleld one day and said he is working on in his six pack...and he asked me how I am doing and I had to lie. The way I feel right now I do not want to visit Andy at the end of sumemr, I am ashamed of the weight I put on...but I am determined to fight it.

Andy started crying to me on the phone yesterday...I told him to come home...he said if he had the money right now he would.

Andy has been working hard at finding work. It is a freak chance that the last few jobs have not panned out. I chalk that up to coincidence and Las Vegas jobs and people not being terribly reliable.

If I can think of anything else I will post more soon, until then ttyl guys.

BRIAN

P.S.-Sorry I have no been up to date on my PM's guys, will answer all soon.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It occurs to me that if he really wants to go back to NY, NY, summer is a good time for hitch-hiking. You can't beat the cost, and a guy in good shape rarely has trouble getting rides.

 

[dalton41]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

This past Memorial Day had been a miracle and one that I will never forget. I really do believe that this is a new beginning for both of us. I have posted elsewhere on the forums but I did want to share the news here as well.

My friend Bret invited me over for Memorial Day for dinner. Afterwards, well he initiated it. All I can say is WOW!!! That was the best night I ever had for a long time. I am very certain this was not the first time he had ever been with a man, he was too experienced. But why now, I will never know. Why couldn't he have just come out and told me he was bi? Damn, I am so lucky. This is going to be a very pleasant and hot Summer.

And the bitch went. I told my friend about the latest activity and he also informed me that his dad suspected her of theft which did not help her case at all. So he called her to ask her about the past events and now they are history. She is totally pissed off and that might be putting it very mildly.

And from an earlier date:

Originally Posted by dalton41
Vegas, my heart absolutely goes out for you and I wish only the best for you. When I read your post, it sort of reminded me about my situation in some way. I post on another thread on here about my friend (co-worker)that I got very close to last year and we wound up going to NYC together for 3 days and this past November, to Florida. In between, we have gone to other places nearby. NYC was absolutely the best time we've had together and it wasn't so much about having sex, there was none. It was emotional. I've never seen him with a girl except that he told me he had a girlfriend at one time and he was not seeing one at the time. So I thought he might have been bi. I've kissed him on several occassions before our trip when going out for dinner and I've told him that he was the center of my life.

I faced the same problem as you, should I tell him how I feel? The last day in NY, I did let him know. At that time, he could have denied he was gay or bi, but he didn't. He told me that he really appreciated what I told him and that he was not ready for a relationship.

In June, I've noticed that a student worker in my department was making the moves on him and I was very jealous to the point that I've found every negative thing that I could on her. I suspected that she was a gold digging bitch and the only reason she wants him, so she could get "special" treatment from others. According to the student handbook, students are discouraged from engaging in a relationship with staff and faculty.

I can not tell you how much that hurts just seeing them together. Though the times we spent together was unforgettable, I was able to tell him about her online dating crap and how she is trying to find more men while at the same time going with him. He knows it. Even though she slacked off this past fall, she's right back at it again. I hate her for using him that way and he knows I resent her.

She's a thorn in my side and she is also a thorn for several others at work, including computer support services. I confided in a co-worker of mine about this situation of mine because of his experience of this woman and during the holidays he asked me about if my friend and I were an item. I could have said no and that would be dishonest and since it was never an issue in the past, I told him the truth. He understood, no problem.

I found the man I could spend the rest of my life with and I can be absolutely honest with him. He knows that and that is the greatest feeling in the world. But the bitch has to go.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Good to hear about you guys.

Andy asked me for money the past two weeks.

I went off on him many times. He was in a dire situation so I did help out(you dont have to even say it, I already know).

But I am now so angry at him for putting me in that position time and time again that I am cutting contact with him for a long while. He will hurt more than me, my heart has grown colder in some ways.

He told me he will pay it back. He also told me he wishes he was single so he can travel with me and just me alone, that he doesnt feel like he is ready for his marriage in a year.

His close friend Mike moved out there yesterday and last night at 12am he arrived in Vegas. I am not sure how things will go..I am a little jealous and bitter about him moving in with Andy and his girl(who happens to hate this friend).

All I know is my financial ties to him are done as well as my social ones(for at least a long while).

His mom agrees that the wedding will not work and if it goes ahead the marriage will not last.

She also agrees that Andy has put me through hell and that she can see why I don;t want any contact from him for a long while. She told me not to lose contact with her though.

Anyway...I am going through a mild depression but learning to move on with my life.


Update you guys soon...BRIAN

 

[rareboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

What can I say. He still has control over you. He'll always be in a dire situation because he is a total loser.

You're still jealous because Mike is moving in with them, Mike sounds like a total loser too, but maybe Andy can just sponge off him now.

Keep getting therapy, lose Andy's phone number and get on with a real life.

 

[backpacker]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

I'm sorry to hear that you are still having such a rough time with Andy. I think your plan of cutting off contact for a long time is a good one. I also like that you are mad at him for putting you in such a bad situation. I do have one suggestion, change your phone number or have call blocking added for his number. It will make it far easier to cutoff contract for a while. Otherwise, you will answer one of the many late night phone calls that are sure to come. I'm also sure he will be calling for more money. If you don't get the calls, it's easy to not give in and send more money. Andy needs to hit rock bottom before he can start getting his life in order. You sending him money does nothing but extent his misery.

Please be sure to continue therapy. That's what you need to make your life right. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your summer vacation.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

What can I say. He still has control over you. He'll always be in a dire situation because he is a total loser.

You're still jealous because Mike is moving in with them, Mike sounds like a total loser too, but maybe Andy can just sponge off him now.

Keep getting therapy, lose Andy's phone number and get on with a real life.

Dude, sounds like your Prozac ran out, again. Chill.

Brian, it's great to hear from you again! Glad you're OK.

 

[rareboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Cg

I know some bi guys picture a happy ending; that poor Andy is going through a rough patch but eventually he'll be Mr. Right for poor Brian.

Brain is enabling an addict by feeding him money, which he thinks gives him some kind of control over Andy and guarantees Andy's continuing interest in him.

I imagine he lies awake nights fantasizing about when he goes out for a visit in August and finally gets Andy to see the light.

I'm hoping that Brian just wakes up one day and realizes that he is better than all of this, that he has so much to offer in a real reciprocal relationaship and that he doesn't have to be in emotional bondage in a go nowhere relationship with a train wreck of a human like Andy. At that point, he'll look around and realize that he has squandered several years of his own life for nothing. I think there is still time for him to save himself, but every month that goes by and he still is attached to Andy's life in any way, the chances grow smaller.

Some months ago, we said it was about the money. Brian disagreed, but you know what? It's just about the money...oh and the need for Andy to completely control other people who are even more emotionally stunted than he. Andy is smart enough to realize that the fun never ends as long as he can tap someone else for the cash....and make them want to do it.

Brian doesn't want to put Andy's loyalty to the test by just saying nope. So...Andy's still in control. He's jobless and getting married although he doesn't want to....almost a textbook loser. Despite having a university education, Brian still is high school jealous of some other guy moving in with his putative bf.............and who in their right mind would shack up with a toon like Andy and his soon to be missus, except for another headcase just like Andy.

I agree with changing the cell number although I think putting the cell phone in the freezer for a month or so would be better.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well for a long while it is over with me and Andy. I don't have a cell phone anymore, so no cell phone to lose.

RAREBOY-While I appreciate your advice, most of which(most) is spot on, I can't help but feel a little insulted the way you put things. But I just assume it is how you are(nothing wrong with that) but I sincerely thank you for looking out for me.

Andy did not call until today, and I did not pick up the phoe. Nor will I.

I am really, really beginning to live my life for me. Rareboy, I understand your comments..Mike is just another Andy. The only thing left that I am at all interested in, is how things pan out with that, because him moving in seems like the worst plan, considering she hates him. Maybe that is why Andy did it after all.

Anyway, there will be no calls to him on my end for a very long time. And he can keep calling all he wants.

I officially have signed up to finish my Masters this summer...so kind of glad I am getting that out of the way. In a month I will also buy a new car, or at least put a down payment on one and finance it.

CG-Great to see you are okay also, thanks for the advice bro.

BRIAN

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian ...

I think that's ALL good news! 'Bout time for moving Forward, heh?

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[rareboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

Best wishes for the Masters. I'm sure you'll enjoy the hard work as well as the achievement of the degree.

We'll all be cheering for you.

 

[texan_slant]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian,

I have been following this thread still. My heart goes out to you - you're making the right decision for now.

Take care.

 

[Eagle653]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hi Brian, I've been following this thread too. Like many others, I think you've made the right decision--hard as it may be.

It gets easier with time, it really does. New experiences replaces old ones and life moves on and the days get easier. You finally did what you needed to do, and on your own timetable. I'm proud of you for that.

Hang in there. You have many faithful followers of your thread, all of whom are pulling for you.

Take care!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thanks for the support guys.

It has been a quick week. I have not spoken to Andy in a whole week, by far the longest we have gone without talking. He calls several times everynight and last night many times until the early morning. It has been hard not to pick up the phone when he calls. I felt like calling him many times.

His mom has been keeping me up to date on him. He had a job interview two days ago and yesterday they did a urine test for drugs...which means he has it we think. Andy asks his mom if she speaks to me and she says no...He left me messages all week saying that he misses hearing my voice and talking to me and that if I'm there to please pick up. Sometimes I was sitting right there, sometimes not.

Andy was in the car with his friend Mike and he had his mom on the phone. Andy's mom asked him if Mike likes it out there and Mike said "No!". But who knows, I'm sure Vegas will grow on him.

I have been going through a depression this week that I am trying to get out of. It is very hard.

Thank you all for your support, I appreciate it...ttyl..BRIAN

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, Buddy!

Hang in there, Dude! We're ALL pullin' for ya!!

And, of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Bri, I'm reminded of what my best bud and I went thru when he moved halfway across the continent: we did a "keep things the way they were, by phoning" phase, and then a period of almost no contact. Now we talk once a week or so, and I think it's a matter of that we've recognized things can't be the way they were, because of the distance.
It's sad, but it's a matter of adjusting to new circumstances.

 

[j0rdan]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thanks for the support guys.

It has been a quick week. I have not spoken to Andy in a whole week, by far the longest we have gone without talking. He calls several times everynight and last night many times until the early morning. It has been hard not to pick up the phone when he calls. I felt like calling him many times.

His mom has been keeping me up to date on him. He had a job interview two days ago and yesterday they did a urine test for drugs...which means he has it we think. Andy asks his mom if she speaks to me and she says no...He left me messages all week saying that he misses hearing my voice and talking to me and that if I'm there to please pick up. Sometimes I was sitting right there, sometimes not.

Andy was in the car with his friend Mike and he had his mom on the phone. Andy's mom asked him if Mike likes it out there and Mike said "No!". But who knows, I'm sure Vegas will grow on him.

I have been going through a depression this week that I am trying to get out of. It is very hard.

Thank you all for your support, I appreciate it...ttyl..BRIAN

Brian,
You sound like too nice of a guy. But just remember - no matter what life throws at you, 'You' can do better