On Topic Discussion What do you think about bisexuals?

[Kulindahr]

This is a very good point. Gay closeted people give bi people a bad name. But the closet is a whole basket of issues anyway.

Ditto that. But I thought the closet was a whole closet full of issues.

 

[EJMichaels]

Then that would be a gender issue then wouldn't it? How men are different from women. It would have nothing to do with them being "bi". The OP was/is opining that bisexual men as being unfaithful pricks. Bisexual men being singled out here.

Yes, more or less. I think the search for differences is more, forgive me, fruitful in the area of gender, not orientation. I wasn't directly addressing the OP's issues about the differences. I wouldn't say bi men are intrinsically more or less unfaithful than other men.

 

[-Kane-]

There is no such thing as bisexuality. It's a bullshit label used by mostly male Narcissists and closet cases.

Thanks!

 

[mikey3000]

1 - The person doing the bi-bashing is a bi person herself.

I don't believe Sokker is female as he claims.

Last paragraph: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thr...HAT-THE-HELL?p=9512147&viewfull=1#post9512147

Hmmm...silly me. Apology accepted Mouthy.

 

[Kulindahr]

There is no such thing as bisexuality. It's a bullshit label used by mostly male Narcissists and closet cases.

Thanks!

You got a citation from a peer-reviewed source for that? or are you just spouting drivel?

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

Hmmm...silly me. Apology accepted Mouthy.

I don't remember apologizing, and stand by what I stated(I also don't think that sokker is male, considering her entire post history beyond the over-bloated "why aren't there more gay characters" thread) - and it's Mouf. mikey.

 

[mikey3000]

Spouting drivel. I don't understand why the concept is so hard to grasp. Why not both?

 

[pat grimshaw]

There aren't any unicorns now. There won't be anyone using the 'bi' label in 60 years time.

Mark my words.

 

[mikey3000]

I have yet to be shown definitive proof that sexuality is biologically based anyway, so what does it matter?

 

[blackbeltninja]

Doc, you come to America and you don't even stop by to see folks. Tsk, tsk.

In my defence, your Honour, I was in the US and A in 2005, long before I knew any JUBbers.

I did avoid all the European JUBbers on my 2012 Eurampage Tour, sure. Mea culpa. But I am innocent on the American charges.

-d-

 

[ElmosToe]

God help the poor little pansexual bonobos who just want to screw everybody all day long.
I guess asexuals haven't even made it to mythical creature status yet in the minds of the general consensus.

Oh well, gonna go plow a grapefruit now...yes, it's organic....and pink....

 

[blackbeltninja]

There are always *signs* that you are dealing with someone who isn't sure of themselves, don't know who they are sexually or WHAT they want. Like a lot of things, people see what they want to see, while ignoring red flags.

For example: gay guy starts casually "seeing" a "straight" guy who thinks he "may" be bi...but "still wants to be in a relationship with and ultimately marry a woman someday...

*buzzer sound*

GET OUT NOW.

*"bisexual" guy who fucks guys, but isn't ready to "settle down" with a dude yet.

*"bisexual" guy who is sexually attracted to guys, but emotionally attracted to women.

*a previously-straight guy whom you "turned" gay.

*a bisexual guy who is fine with being intimate, emotional, etc. with you...but won't do anything remotely "open" (talking to you about his life, family, introducing you to friends, etc.) that also goes for GAY guys (closeted gays, that is...) as well...

You get the picture. That's only a few scenarios. There are many more with different variables across the board.

Be discerning and PAY attention to people's actions.

While some guys are great at playing a game and pretending to be someone they are not, they will almost always show their true colors with time--and usually not long after meeting them. It's not always immediate, but kick rocks as soon as you start seeing the bullshit. It's up to the individuals involved to decide how long they want to stay along for the ride.

I give newbies to the gay scene a little leeway, because it usually takes some time before one can easily discern such fuckery.

There are no concrete rules, but there will be red flags that shouldn't go unchecked.

When someone knows who they are, and are comfortable with who they are and confident in what they want in a mate (such as TRUE bisexuals)...you know. Their actions will show it--almost in the complete opposite manifestations (on a constant basis) of the examples I mentioned above.

I want to take some issue with the bit in red.

I was this guy for years. Literally, years. I wanted to have sex with guys, I had no interest in loving them. I had sex with guys, but there was never an incident when I thought "if only this could go further..." All the guys I lusted after at school and varsity and beyond were purely for the physical aspect of it, I never used to fantasize about me and him leading long and fulfilling lives with each other, never. I never ever even considered the concept of having a boyfriend. I will admit I was closeted. I will also admit to having had my heart broken by two different women. Since I'm on it, I will also admit that were either of those women to call me up out of the blue and suggest we run off to Vegas for a quickie wedding, I'd be on the next flight out of .za. Fact is, although I have plenty of guy friends, I never wanted anything more from a guy than friendship or sex, not romance.

And then I met the soon-to-be bf when I was 34. Yes, 34. We hooked up, then we hooked up again, then after five weeks of hook-ups I caught myself day-dreaming about being with him in an emotional relationship. It scared the living fuck out of me, because I never thought it would happen and I had decades of entirely non-emotional interactions to draw on. But it happened, eventually.

Would it have happened had I not opted to meet him that one day, 8 July 2011? There is every chance it might have happened as a result of meeting someone else, but 34 years of experience suggests otherwise.

My point, and I do have one, is that I don't think you can simply check things off on a list. Current thinking favours a scale of sexuality; someone with an interest in sex with guys (beyond merely being curious) may well genuinely have no interest in an emotional investment with one, but I think the interest in sex is also beyond the simple "any port in a storm" such as you might find under forced circumstances (like, say, prison).

I firmly believe you could break this into at least 5 camps - guys who only love and sleep with girls, guys who only love and sleep with guys, guys who genuinely can love either, and then ones where there is love for one gender but sexual interest in both. And I don't think that has anything to do with anyone "not being sure of themselves." I was sure of myself, I was incredibly sure of myself, and then... something changed. The skeptics among you will no doubt say it was there and suppressed all along, but I will stick to my guns on this.

I also thought I would without doubt marry a woman one day; after young Thomas, with all his wonders and all his flaws, I'm not so sure. I am fortunate that he decided to ignore the red flags and the buzzer sounds and take a chance on me, probably against the advice of his friends who I know share similar views to you, and I think we're both better for it. To his credit, he never once even hinted that my being bisexual was a concern for him.

I can't dictate what you should armour your own heart against, because you need to do what works for you, but you will do yourself a massive disservice by tarring everyone with the same very broad brush.

-d-

 

[luckynumbah7]

And fuck their way to the top. They do it all the time for a little bit of fame.

Perhaps you should consider that having to pander sexually to get a raise/move up in the world is not an advantage.

As for bisexuals and monogamy/cheating/dumping individuals I haven't noticed a difference in sexuality and the expression of it that would be considered inate instead of learned/expected. Besides horniness since testosterone often ups libido. Granted, it can also kill it, so.

 

[Kyanimal]

^ ^ WOW, BBN! What a Fucking AWESOME Post!!

Though I finally admitted that I'm really Gay, at the age of 30, my sexual history, up until then, was truly Bi. I was always fascinated with Sex, period, and though there were a few guys in the mix, I had more than my fair share of "Luck" with the ladies through my late teens, and twenties. I even came Very close to marrying five, or six, of them, and, no, not at the same time!

The thing about sex with Guys is that it doesn't have to Mean anything! Guys can simply "Play" just for "Sport"! It can be nothing more than helping a Bud change a tire.

Girls, on the other hand, tend to be more about Emotions, and "stuff"!

And, I have to admit, I did Love my Girls!

Then, one day, out of the unexpected "Blue", I met "My" Kev, when he was 25, and I was 32, and 32yr. later, we're still together!

All the more reasons to ... No Matter What ...

Keep Smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[cgymike]

Would you even trust a bisexual? Assuming for a moment they exist....

OF COURSE NOT.

CHEATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You know it's true.

I still maintain they are just pandering to their ex wives and they ultimately feel deep guilt and shame over not coming out earlier in life. Living the lie in pretend land then later realizing they can't function as such but making a mess of everything by straddling.

You like dick...why not just admit to it and get it over..but you snacked on tuna because you were a COWARD.

Ugly indeed...very ugly!

 

[Kahaih]

I want to take some issue with the bit in red.

I was this guy for years. Literally, years. I wanted to have sex with guys, I had no interest in loving them. I had sex with guys, but there was never an incident when I thought "if only this could go further..." All the guys I lusted after at school and varsity and beyond were purely for the physical aspect of it, I never used to fantasize about me and him leading long and fulfilling lives with each other, never. I never ever even considered the concept of having a boyfriend. I will admit I was closeted. I will also admit to having had my heart broken by two different women. Since I'm on it, I will also admit that were either of those women to call me up out of the blue and suggest we run off to Vegas for a quickie wedding, I'd be on the next flight out of .za. Fact is, although I have plenty of guy friends, I never wanted anything more from a guy than friendship or sex, not romance.

And then I met the soon-to-be bf when I was 34. Yes, 34. We hooked up, then we hooked up again, then after five weeks of hook-ups I caught myself day-dreaming about being with him in an emotional relationship. It scared the living fuck out of me, because I never thought it would happen and I had decades of entirely non-emotional interactions to draw on. But it happened, eventually.

Would it have happened had I not opted to meet him that one day, 8 July 2011? There is every chance it might have happened as a result of meeting someone else, but 34 years of experience suggests otherwise.

My point, and I do have one, is that I don't think you can simply check things off on a list. Current thinking favours a scale of sexuality; someone with an interest in sex with guys (beyond merely being curious) may well genuinely have no interest in an emotional investment with one, but I think the interest in sex is also beyond the simple "any port in a storm" such as you might find under forced circumstances (like, say, prison).

I firmly believe you could break this into at least 5 camps - guys who only love and sleep with girls, guys who only love and sleep with guys, guys who genuinely can love either, and then ones where there is love for one gender but sexual interest in both. And I don't think that has anything to do with anyone "not being sure of themselves." I was sure of myself, I was incredibly sure of myself, and then... something changed. The skeptics among you will no doubt say it was there and suppressed all along, but I will stick to my guns on this.

I also thought I would without doubt marry a woman one day; after young Thomas, with all his wonders and all his flaws, I'm not so sure. I am fortunate that he decided to ignore the red flags and the buzzer sounds and take a chance on me, probably against the advice of his friends who I know share similar views to you, and I think we're both better for it. To his credit, he never once even hinted that my being bisexual was a concern for him.

I can't dictate what you should armour your own heart against, because you need to do what works for you, but you will do yourself a massive disservice by tarring everyone with the same very broad brush.

-d-

Allow me to condense:

. . . Since I'm on it, I will also admit that were either of those women to call me up out of the blue and suggest we run off to Vegas for a quickie wedding, I'd be on the next flight out of .za.

. . . .

I can't dictate what you should armour your own heart against, because you need to do what works for you, but you will do yourself a massive disservice by tarring everyone with the same very broad brush.

-d-

Does 'young Thomas' know that with one phone call he's yesterdays trash?

I find it odd that you can put those two lines in the same post, and not see that your story actually supports the line you highlighted, the line you 'take issue with', in/from Gentleheart's post # 71.

. . . .

*"bisexual" guy who is sexually attracted to guys, but emotionally attracted to women.

. . . .

Honestly, blackbeltninja, the way your story reads, it seems that you are just settling for 'young Thomas'.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

Would you even trust a bisexual? Assuming for a moment they exist....

OF COURSE NOT.

CHEATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You know it's true.

I still maintain they are just pandering to their ex wives and they ultimately feel deep guilt and shame over not coming out earlier in life. Living the lie in pretend land then later realizing they can't function as such but making a mess of everything by straddling.

You like dick...why not just admit to it and get it over..but you snacked on tuna because you were a COWARD.

Ugly indeed...very ugly!

You try to hard and it fails. It's really sad to look at.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Allow me to condense:


Does 'young Thomas' know that with one phone call he's yesterdays trash?

I find it odd that you can put those two lines in the same post, and not see that your story actually supports the line you highlighted, the line you 'take issue with', in/from Gentleheart's post # 71.





Honestly, blackbeltninja, the way your story reads, it seems that you are just settling for 'young Thomas'.

Today would have been young Thomas and my 3rd anniversary together had we not broken up last year, on 8 January 2013 after 17 months together. /rainman

So... yeah. My user status says Single for a reason.

-d-

 

[bankside]

I want to take some issue with the bit in red.

I was this guy for years. Literally, years. I wanted to have sex with guys, I had no interest in loving them. I had sex with guys, but there was never an incident when I thought "if only this could go further..." All the guys I lusted after at school and varsity and beyond were purely for the physical aspect of it, I never used to fantasize about me and him leading long and fulfilling lives with each other, never. I never ever even considered the concept of having a boyfriend. I will admit I was closeted. I will also admit to having had my heart broken by two different women. Since I'm on it, I will also admit that were either of those women to call me up out of the blue and suggest we run off to Vegas for a quickie wedding, I'd be on the next flight out of .za. Fact is, although I have plenty of guy friends, I never wanted anything more from a guy than friendship or sex, not romance.

And then I met the soon-to-be bf when I was 34. Yes, 34. We hooked up, then we hooked up again, then after five weeks of hook-ups I caught myself day-dreaming about being with him in an emotional relationship. It scared the living fuck out of me, because I never thought it would happen and I had decades of entirely non-emotional interactions to draw on. But it happened, eventually.

Would it have happened had I not opted to meet him that one day, 8 July 2011? There is every chance it might have happened as a result of meeting someone else, but 34 years of experience suggests otherwise.

My point, and I do have one, is that I don't think you can simply check things off on a list. Current thinking favours a scale of sexuality; someone with an interest in sex with guys (beyond merely being curious) may well genuinely have no interest in an emotional investment with one, but I think the interest in sex is also beyond the simple "any port in a storm" such as you might find under forced circumstances (like, say, prison).

I firmly believe you could break this into at least 5 camps - guys who only love and sleep with girls, guys who only love and sleep with guys, guys who genuinely can love either, and then ones where there is love for one gender but sexual interest in both. And I don't think that has anything to do with anyone "not being sure of themselves." I was sure of myself, I was incredibly sure of myself, and then... something changed. The skeptics among you will no doubt say it was there and suppressed all along, but I will stick to my guns on this.

I also thought I would without doubt marry a woman one day; after young Thomas, with all his wonders and all his flaws, I'm not so sure. I am fortunate that he decided to ignore the red flags and the buzzer sounds and take a chance on me, probably against the advice of his friends who I know share similar views to you, and I think we're both better for it. To his credit, he never once even hinted that my being bisexual was a concern for him.

I can't dictate what you should armour your own heart against, because you need to do what works for you, but you will do yourself a massive disservice by tarring everyone with the same very broad brush.

-d-

Well said.

As for a few more camps: guys who only sleep with women but no love interest for either, guys who only sleep with men but have no love interest for either....

Oh. And I genuinely dug a woman at one point. Was almost engaged at the age of 19. Romance was great but then it was "Hey wait a minute, if we do this (life, kids, suburbs), it will mean we have to actually have sex. How do I feel about---NOPE. No no no no. no."

The funny thing is, looking back, I'm less and less sure it was because she was a she. I finally figured out sexual orientation but I was then completely naive to the whole top/bottom thing. And I think the more fundamental mismatch was not that she was a straight woman and I was a gay man, but that I was a versatile man and she was not vers, as they say. Which I've come to conclude is as much of a thing as sexual orientation, if not more.

 

[sokker]

Yup, good post.

I'll be 100% honest. My experience of real, stable, seemingly well-adjusted and straightforward bisexual people is entirely online. They might as well be unicorns offline in my experience. I've never met one. I have asked questions in private of some of the well-adjusted bisexual members here at JUB to try to better understand their views and their self-conception of their own sexuality. It's not something that can be well understood from observation in general, because going by that.... nearly all bisexual people I've ever known are bi more out of an apparent loathing of the gay label (and all of its stigmas and stereotypes) than out of a sense of a real bisexual identity.

So on the one hand I understand what must be the severe irritation of bisexual people that they feel their legitimacy and sexuality and agendas are always 'questioned.' On the other hand, in my experience bisexuals are outnumbered massively by people who lead lives which are otherwise indistinguishable from exclusive heterosexuals or homosexuals but identify verbally as bisexual, and that preponderance of behavior does (however unfair it may sound) influence my initial assessment of someone who identifies as bisexual until it's shown to be otherwise.

THANK YOU! This is what I mean. I'm sure there's some awesome, monogamous bisexual men out there. However, and I'm talking about MY experience here, with what I have come across.. for me I haven't. I constantly see bisexual guys who sleep around, who cheat, who never seem to be in a commited relationship.. and then there's those who "refuse to put a label on themselves" so they don't have to be "one of the queers". It's insulting, disgusting and obnoxious. Not to mention these bi men get the advantage of heterosexual privilege. It's unfair and not right.

As I said.. it's definitely unfair that some bisexual guys who like to sleep around bring down the reputation of all bisexual men. Like I said.. I'm sure some of them can be in a commited relationship. But I still think the "slutty bi guys" stereotype exists for a reason. I do think there's some truth to it. And yes.. I still don't get what happens if the bi guy suddenly one day gets sick of penis and wants p*ssy instead. I'd feel so bad on behalf of the gay guy in that relationship.. because that guy can't compete with a woman. It's like that move Free Fall, only in reverse.. she found out her husband was gay and said how could she ever compete with that? It's the same for bi men. But ok.. I'm rambling here.

One last thing.. with it being different for women I mean that women don't usually cheat, at least not as much as guys, women seem to WANT to be in a committed relationship.. whether they're lesbian, bi or heterosexual. It just seems like so many bi guys want it all.. and that's where I find an issue.

Idk.. I'm not sure if this makes sense, and I'm sure I will piss off a lot of people. I'm just telling you guys how I feel.