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Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Andrew is lucky I am a forgiving person. My family is not and they hate him.
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Consider me like family.

My happiness with this outcome is almost complete.

The only thing I would do is avoid going to the wedding; for everyone's sake. Trust me that this way lies disaster.

If you really want him to get the message, send him a very nice gift and your best wishes, but do not go to the wedding.

You should also really try to cut off the phonecalls, particularly the ones where the girlfriend is listening. I'm thinking she may be as pathological as he is.

No matter what you may think, Andy is not really your friend. He was your symbiant. Do not let him take up any more time of your life or potentially come in between you and your new bf's.

By the way. His comments about your new guy demonstrate another really ugly, racist side to him. He really is a dick.

Oh, and also by the way. Please do not go to the wedding. Just in case you missed that.

And have a great Christmas season!
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

rareboy said:
The only thing I would do is avoid going to the wedding; for everyone's sake. Trust me that this way lies disaster.

If you really want him to get the message, send him a very nice gift and your best wishes, but do not go to the wedding.

You should also really try to cut off the phonecalls, particularly the ones where the girlfriend is listening. I'm thinking she may be as pathological as he is.
....

Oh, and also by the way. Please do not go to the wedding. Just in case you missed that.
Click to expand...

I pondered this for a long time.
It's not intuitively obvious, but in the end the idea of avoiding the wedding is sound -- both from what's best for Brian, and for what's best for Andrew.

I tend to lecture; this time, though, I'm just going to suggest something, Brian: make a two-column document (yeah, I'm assuming word processing). At the top of one column, put "Good"... well, you know the drill from there.
I'll give you one to start: "Andy's friendship" goes in both columns.
. . . . . . . ..... Think about it.

The gf, from what little info there is, I'd say she's a rather possessive snit who doesn't want Andrew to be her husband as she just wants to have a husband. That relationship is a train wreck waiting to happen. I think she'll use either the occurrence or non-occurrence of phone calls from you, Brian, to manipulate Andrew, so from that side I don't see it really mattering whether or not you call. But something I would do is after ten at night just put my phone on vibrate, and don't answer unless it's someone who would cheer you up and not stress you -- he's stolen enough of your sleep!




p.s. -- if he calls again and you talk with him, let drop that you're having trouble making up your mind between these three hot guys -- one from Shanghai, one from Calcutta, and one from Luanda.... :p
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys what's doing? :cool:

Just a small update..I went Clark Griswald on my house and now it is fully decorated for Christmas.....|

Andrew called me the other day and asked if I am sitting down..I was like..yeah?:confused:

And he said that his fiance's dad has promised them both jobs and help finsing an apartment, and also help getting back to NYC...#-o

While he was telling me all this...I wasnt the least bit excited...and I dont know why..I dont know if it's because how much I changed and how little he changed, or if it is how much distance and time has changed us...or for the fact that I dont really care..

He said "It doesnt seem to me that you are too happy"...

I didn't really know what to say..some part of me IS happy he is coming home, at least he won't have to suffer out there anymore...I mean I'm not a total asshole about it..I hope he doesn't have anymore problems...He said he wants to come back becasue of me and to work on our friendship...and I don't exactly know what to say to that...In some ways I kind of liked him in Vegas, away from me..

Part of me was disgusted how yet another person has managed to help them out and enable them...

For some reason we got on a topic of weddings and I said how much I hate going to them, and he goes "I guess I shouldn't be surprised then if you aren't at mine.."

To be honest, I have been struggling for months now on whether I would go or not...Latoya said she would go with me to hlep me through that day..but to be honest..I am thinking of not going.

Months ago it would have been too hard on my heart..now it's not hard on my heart, but just something I do not want to do.

Part of me doesn't even want to send that much of a gift, considering all that I helped them out with...what more could I possibly give?

I guess a nice card with some sentiments should suffice.

He told me that he kicked his friend Mike out of the house and he is living in a motel somewhere...nice of Andrew to do.:rolleyes:

Mike apparently said something to the effect of, "this is why your girl has no friends..", which despite Mike's usual ignorance and stupidity, actually happens to be true...

Anywah, that is where thing are left for now, hope everyone is getting into the CHRISTMAS spirit...peace..BRIAN
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

About going to a wedding.

I would not go if i don't feel like i'm apart of their special day & going to enjoy the day.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be happy 'bout Andy moving back to NYC either! The space for you is healthy. I just hope that if he ever does make it back, that you HEAVILY DEFINE your boundaries.

LostVegas said:
He said he wants to come back becasue of me and to work on our friendship...
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DANG there he goes dealing out that passive-aggressive card again, passing the buck and not owning up to his own actions, exemplified by his huge trend of saying "I'm doing <this> *because* of you..."

I wonder if Andy realizes that friendships aren't supposed to take work - genuine long-lasting friendships usually just fall into place seamlessly into our lives.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

BTW - if it's not an easy yes/no answer with regards to the wedding, then you prob shouldn't go. Enjoy the day rather than be miserable going to a wedding that nobody believes in.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

A wedding reception is a 6 hour long boring sit if u don't enjoy it.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

He thinks you don't sound happy?

Just tell him he's jerked you around so much, begging, whining, standing on his own then wimping out, making foolish decisions, crying to you for help, not getting things done, etc., that you just don't know how you feel any more, when it comes to him.



He thinks it sounds like you might not be coming to their wedding?

Tell him he already has your money for a plane ticket, and wonder why he should expect you to show up for his wedding to a gal he's said he isn't sure he loves....



A wedding present?

Give them a card listing all the money you "loaned" to Andrew, and stamp CANCELED across it. Write, "Helping you with a clean slate", and sign it.
You know you're not getting it back anyway, so you might as well get some use, right?



He wants to see you when he's back in NYC?

When he arrives, meet him with a hot guy's arm around your shoulders and hand in your pants, and your arm around his waist, and stay that way while you shake Andrew's hand.




He wants to work on your friendship?

Invite him out to dinner, him and his girl, you and a hot guy. Sit the guy between you and him.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, I think this is another positive update from you. I'm really glad to know that you are not happy about the prospect of Andy moving back to NYC. That's a very healthy reaction on your part.

Your lack of desire to attend the wedding is also a very healthy. I personally will be surprised if the wedding actually takes place, so I wouldn't worry about it too much right now.

Continue to focus on yourself and developing a good life for yourself.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wonderful.

Khulindar has said just about everything that I would, so ditto.

You obviously now do recognize that Andy and the gf are both manipulative and parasitic. That is very healthy.

You may think that I am an alarmist, but you should hope they stay out in Vegas, or any other place but NY. I still believe that Andrew shows all the signs of being seriously mentally ill. His suggestion that he is moving back because of you indicates an obsession that may not only manifest itself in his desire to have you restored as a source of funds, but may also turn really ugly when he realizes that he has no chance of winning you back.

I'm still waiting for the meltdown where he tells you that he has broken up with the gf in order to see if he can get you back on the hook.

I think you're strong enough now to withstand his barrage of nonsense and maybe there is still a chance that even though Mike didn't work out for the two of them, Andy will find another emotionally fragile victim to prey upon and finally leave you in perfect peace to enjoy what sounds to be a very satisfactory life.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

would like to know how things are going with you and everything else
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hi Brian! I just spent the last 3 and a half hours reading all of these (lots of free time in my hands).

I just want to say...

Andrew is a big idiot, a loser, an opportunist and a fucking stalker. He should just leave you alone and move on with his life as you did.

About his wedding...I think a "congratulations" card will be more than enough. Don't buy them ANY gift after all of the money they ripped off of you and don't go just so he realizes he's not that important to you and he feels just as he made you feel when he only saw you for 3 hours on a weekend after not seeing each other for a year.

It's not like revenge is that important right now but just let him know you don't care about him anymore.

And I'm happy for you! BTW, is CG... the guy of JUB that you're dating??
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

No CG is not the guy I have been seeing on and off, it is some guy from another site.

Andrew called me two days ago. He started off by asking me "How can you tell if someone is gay?" He added, "I think my friend Mike might be gay, and do you remember how you said you thought he was too?"

Andy thinks Mike is gay or at the least bi is because Mike has admitted to putting things up his ass a few years ago. I told Andrew that doesnt make a guy gay, there are plenty of hetero guys that enjoy that and plenty of girls that do that for their guys. He said that that would def make a guy gay or bi.

I asked him why all of a sudden are you asking me about this, did something happen that you are asking me this. He said well Mike invited him to go to a swingers club called the Green Door...and that his girl had said that she noticed Mike getting a little too close to andy sometimes like trying to hit him in the nuts and dick all the time, that he was obsessed with it. Andy also told me how Mike, when he was younger made a move on him at 15.

I then asked Andrew if he was worried about all of this then why did you sleep in the same bed with him on the cruise we took lol..when his bed was in my room and a separate bed at that..he said he just crashed there, but when he woke up Mike's leg was around him.

He said there were several uncomfortable moments like that..he said "Bri you never made me feel uncomfortable..well maybe once...when you told me you were into me..But I didnt get mad, because I saw that as a cry for help from you.."

I ended it by saying, why dont you ask Mike if hes gay and let him know if he is that you are there for him to talk with..I told Andy that whether he is or not, Mike will deny it but at least he knows now that he CAN talk about it with you and might if he is.


Andrew told me he plans to move back to NYC in April, and he is moving into a wing of some guys mansion(yes mansion) in Belle Harbor...I was like WTF am I doing wrong with my life?? Im strugglign and things are getting more easy for him.

I had been in a small funk(the first time in many months) right after Christmas..I had a 24 hour bug and I was going through my normal/annual post Christmas/pre-New Years depression..and since the phone call with Andrew, I must admit, I have been thinking about his upcoming wedding and it got me more down.

The phone call I had with him kind of opened up old wounds a little.

Latoya called me and in a rare moment was also down and she told me how shes going to be 30 in 2 weeks and how she has no guy, no kids, no marriage, nothing in her personal life that she imagined she would have. That kind of got me down and thinking more about Andy and how he will be married soon and quickly having kids...the thought of going to that wedding ceremony and the party after with the first announcement as husband and wife, and the first kiss, the dance and the cake has pretty down.

Im just feeling a bit blue this weekend folks..
ttyl..if
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Andrew told me he plans to move back to NYC in April, and he is moving into a wing of some guys mansion(yes mansion) in Belle Harbor..
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BULLSHIT....unless that vampire found some other sucker to leech. My guess is he thinks he's going to be some whackjob's gopher, but I'll just bet it all falls apart like every other one of his bullshit schemes.

Cheer up. Things could be worse. Think to yourself. Why do you care at all if Andy thinks Mike is gay and you must be one of only three people who have the least bit of interest in this psycho wedding. Just tell me you haven't sent him a dime........................

You and Latoya just need to go out for a friends' dinner on the town; something wickedly extravagant and then tell yourselves how lucky you are to have one another as friends. Here's to '08. Gotta be better than '07.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Here's to '08. Gotta be better than '07.
Click to expand...

Now that's what I'm talking about.

This time of year tends to leave many people depressed (I'm one of them). When things appear to be going in the wrong direction, those are the best times to try to think of good things, be thankful for what you have, and focus on changing what you can to have what you want.

Look how far you've come. You're living a life on your own that's not dictated by someone thousands of miles away. I know Andy's still around, but you're nowhere near the same person you were when you started this thread. Yeah, it still hurts sometimes, and yeah, it might have been nice if it had worked out the way your mind thought it was going to, but the progress you've made is nothing to scoff at, and at least you're coming away a more grown up, whole person. I know it's not been easy, but it's going to be a new year: new opportunities, new chances, new love. Take the time of year as a gift, and bust into 2008 with open eyes, an open mind, and no fear.

The only way for certain that things are not going to get better is if we believe they won't. It's going to be ok, at least that's what I keep telling myself. We're all going to be ok as long as we try to be. Happy New Year, take care of yourself.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Rareboy just about covered it.

This bit reminds me of a guy I knew in St. Louis, who tumbled into a wonderful situation: free room in an old mansion, plus a few hundred a month, and all he had to do was live there, and show signs that someone was there.
Some millionaire who traveled a lot didn't want his place to look like no one was home......

Andrew would definitely be cut out for such a "job"; he has the knack, I'd say, of giving evidence of someone being home....
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

DAMN THOSE STRAIGHT GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i had kind of the same situation going on, but just putting some distance between us helped out alot!!! yeah, he even called a song, OUR SONG.............gag me with a spoon......lol
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I discovered this thread on Dec. 29th when Brian posted last. I can't believe it when on so long without me noticing. #-o

The topic is near and dear to my heart, so I read each and every one of Brian's posts. I have to admit that I am completely emotionally drained. It took 3 days and every ounce of energy I have.

Bri, I am so proud of you for breaking the cycle. I know it is hard. I know all too well. I lived the same unhealthy path for 11 years, not 3. There are several differences, but many more similarities. It is excruciating trying to break the cycle. But you did it. And I'm so happy and proud of you. And at the same time, I feel bad that the fantasy didn't come through for you. But you know what? A nice fresh breath of a reality is much better than a torturous fantasy.

I get what you went through and then some. If you ever want to talk, just send me a PM. BTW, I did go to my "Andy's" wedding. I had a panic attack and some uncontrollable gagging, and my version of Andrew was so drunk he could barely stand and say the words, but it is highly recommended experience to bring an extra layer of closure.

4 years after my nightmare ended, I met my Price Charming. We get each other, love each other and support each other. In fact, we met 7 years ago tomorrow and we are madly in love. I wish you nothing less. (*8*)
 
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